I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
