party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize