Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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