i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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