I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
