Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
