I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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