Walk of Shame. In a state park.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
