i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
