I can text with my tongue
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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