I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
