my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
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