a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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