What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
