FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
