He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
