you will always have a special place in my vag
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
