how hairy? two words: wookie tits
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
My vagina is very pro this idea
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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