Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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