look no pants
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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