Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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