i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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