I'm eating all of the evidence.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Randomize
