paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
dude i'm inner monologue high
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
