You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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