so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
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