every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize