Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
