No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Randomize
