and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
