Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
These tits shall not be calmed
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize