There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
