You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
