Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
