that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
