He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
