Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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