i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
