What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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