Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
sex in a hospital.. check
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize
