Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
