I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
