just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
