i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
