Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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