Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
