While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
