My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
