Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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