I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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