I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
