I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize