sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
