just come out here and I will go home with you...
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
