Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
