I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
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