i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Sober January is a disaster.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
