I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
