i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
