At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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