he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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