the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
