It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
It's never too late to be topless.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
