hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
