Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize