My room smells like vodka and shame
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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