She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
