Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize