i may or may not be watching the land before time
i think i have herpe
just one?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
