I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
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