did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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